Hello, I’d like to return this microwave.
What’s wrong with it?
It’s haunted.

Haunted?
Yes.
Haunted… by who?

Well, me for a start. And sometimes my wife too, when she wants to make popcorn.

So… if you return it, what do you think is going to happen to you and your wife?

I was hoping we might… you know… stop haunting? Altogether?

I’m afraid the management make no guarantees vis-à-vis the potential metaphysical benefits of returned goods.

Still… worth a try, right?
*sigh*
Do you have a receipt?
Yes!

Okay, let’s process this and see if we can get your existence annulled.
Yay!