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People! Brussel sprouts exist. I know they do. I have a personal relationship with sprouts. Some of them I bring into my home and let them die in the ‘crisper’ section of my fridge (the light goes out, right).

When I see them rotted away, it feels like they died to save my dinners. I know they exist. I love them, right beside the mashed potatoes opposite of where god intended meat to be on the plate.god keeps meat fresh for us inside animals, and god keeps sprouts fresh for us in grocery stores. They are part of gods plan, which could not be executed without grocery store clerks. I suspect the pretty grocery store clerks are responsible for doing the most for god, but that’s not in the bible so I can’t be certain. Eating your sprouts is part of the sacrifice that we must all undertake to help god with his plan. Those of you in denial about liking sprouts need to open up, eat the sprouts, and let gods plan fill your life. Only by eating the sprouts can they get to heaven.

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